ROAR! said the Lion.

Today I am 25. Actually, when I say today, I mean this day on the 23rd of July. I don’t know when I’m going to get to post anything. Don’t have money for the Internet café. So what else is new? What a strange day. This weekend started off so badly. I organised a party on Friday - very badly! Everything went wrong from step one to step umm, well, the last one. Then of course, I hear that my old friend Mercury is in retrograde and we all know how that turned out the last time. Personally, I think Mercury is jealous of me somehow… Well, so when we arrived at the party, we were two hours late, the venue had been double booked, half of the people had already left and the few who remained only stayed long enough for me to chat with shortly and then left. I didn’t even have enough time to really talk to anyone. It feels like I collected presents and exchanged pleasantries and then had to move on to the next person, because everyone was demanding my attention. Then of course, Mr. Taurus is there and I almost have heart failure, because I’m so glad to see him, come especially for the party, so sweet. I know he wasn’t there just for me, but I would be lying if I said that when he’s in the room, I am not affected at all. In fact, I was too affected for my own good. I guess I’ll always think of him in terms of the future, when all things that seem impossible now, have a real chance of happening then. To the future! Anyway, it gets worse. My boyfriend, who was supposed to work and couldn’t come to the party, shows up to surprise me. Now, this handsome young Cancerion came into the picture just a few days before, when on his birthday, we went on a date and just ended up dating. He’s so wonderful and I want him to be very happy. He seems to think that I’m a goddess, so I’m just going to go with it and hope that he doesn’t wake up from that fantasy too soon. No one has ever wanted to date me. Most guys are just interested in sex or want me to read their mind to know how they are feeling. This man actually wants to spend time with me because he loves my mind and wants to just be with me. I AM SO FREAKED OUT BY THIS NEW SENSATION OF BEING NEEDED AND WANTED and let’s face it. It’s realistic because he’s willing and able to commit to me. He’s trying to slay the dragon! So, here is Mr Dragon slayer and Mr. Taurus at one party. I feel like I’ve betrayed Mr Taurus, even though I don’t owe him any allegiance more that friendship. I feel like I’m misleading Mr Dragon slayer, which I really was not. Maybe I was just so overwhelmed. The party was a train crash. I was on an emotional rollercoaster one minute and flat lining the next. I don’t know what I expected. Luckily, my friends were there, and I m so grateful to them for being in my life and not running away kicking and screaming from the crazy lady. Probably shouldn’t have gotten wasted to try and cope either. That might just have made it all worse. I had lots of fun in the end. And I was so glad it was over. And I was just freaking out way too much. Like, I thought I would be able to handle little things like this. Maybe before I turned 25 I just had to be irredeemably incapable for the last time. Thanks Mercury you cold hearted son of a bi-atch! So, today is my birthday and my boyfriend still hasn’t dumped me for being insane and indecisive. Maybe he likes his women crazy, I don’t know. I’m going to stop being a commitment phobe now. For this year, my wish is that I will be happy and successful and that I will be able to make my amazing friends and family very happy. I wish to discover new things about myself and the world and to live the inspiration. I have had wonderful examples and influences from the people I will just call my Royal advisors. As I am about to embark on a whole new chapter, I look back fondly, hoping that it was all worth it to get here and that I will never stop learning about and loving being alive. And never again will I be organising any parties, especially not for myself.
So, right now it is the day after my birthday and I must say that all things considered, it was wonderful. My new boyfriend treated me to wine, salad and bought me a present, which he was not supposed to do, since we had only been together for 4 days. He’s so incredibly sweet and I’m going to do my best not to screw it up with him. Also, I believe it is important to hold on to my individuality, because you cannot possess someone and you can definitely not allow anyone to possess you. I think I’m going to be fine. I’m an adult now and know a lot better. Tune in next time for some more developments!

Another day another dollar...

Ok, so the weeks been interesting, to say the least. I have found that at this moment in time, I am just super, thanx for asking! I'm extatic, really. I might be inlove, I might not, I'm in anticipation, I'm trying not to be, I'm being intellectually challenged in a way that I feel so incredibly intrigued by (have to write reviews for a theatrical festival, YEAH!), there's mystery in my life, there's excitement, there's new possibilities, there's uncertainties, YEAH!
I feel great, and to think, I've only got a few days before I'm 25 and I actually am happy. Yes, ME! I'm happy to be me and that is something I had to grow into. I suppose its the same as growing into a pair of shoes when you're 9.

Anyway, I'm about to be a quarter of a century old, and I feel FABULOUS! At peace, comfortable in my own body and in my headspace. I love me. Or maybe that's just the wine talking. You know, this life has so many possibilities and so many amazing people to share it with. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside................................................
I love my friends. You know who you are. Kindred Spirits. There are so few, but they are so wonderful if you can find them.

What a life.

I mean, I don't think anyone has so many issues and insecurities as I do. I just wish I could get over myself sometimes, and not wallow so much in self-pity. It's pathetic, really. I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. There is so much of life that I still want to see, so many people that I still want to meet. Sometimes I feel as though my friends fail to see how scared I am and how much reassurance I need. Then, I snap back to reality and realise that I shouldn't be relying on other people's assurances.
I suppose its because I am an incredibly self-absorbed and vain drama Queen. Maby I'm being too hard on myself. Nobody asks me how I really am anymore. It's not that they don't care, I just don't think they are really interested. Maybe I just miss my Therapist, who used to listen to me go on like this for hours...
Somethimes I even get jealous of some of my friends. What a terrible thing to be envious of those you love! Am I making a mountain of a molehill? Has the Queen finally flipped her lid? Well, I think its just the stress of almost turning 25. On the 23rd of July. The countdown has officially begun and I'm getting a little nervous. I'm not about to go into another self-doubt session, I know that I'm going to be fine. It just helps to know that people love spending time with me, that I too have something to offer in the way of excitement! Am I boring? It's true that I have retreated a bit into myself in the last couple of months. Do people find it tiring to be with me? Don't they know that I just need some encouragement? Don't they want me to stay? I'm always leaving. Maybe someone should give me a reason to stay! Umm, ok, I think I've gone far enough. I like myself very much! I guess it would be nice if people showed me that they like me too, instead of .. well.. oh never mind! I have lost it after all.
At least I'm throwing the biggest birthday bash ever! I intend to go into maturity with a bang that will make the Earth resonate for months to come!

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Are you only half alive or have you always been this inarticulate?
I think that was Jewel.

I have to remember that I am a grown up now and that I am no longer allowed to pine over someone who it would only frustrate me to try and understand. I cannot read minds. If you do not tell me things, I cannot know them I am one. I am me. No one owns me. I am my own. If you want me, get in line and come and try to get me. Trust me, Im worth it. I love frequently and completely. I am a hopeless romantic. Maybe I will awaken from this dream and find myself alone and happily so, complete as I am now, and strong, and always willing to love. (Note that love does not necessarily imply sex). Those who have known the most love will appreciate it more than those who were afraid of it and never tried it. As of now, you can no longer hurt me. I am untouchable. I will allow you to try to win my heart, but never forget that I will always have the final say. Its my heart after all.

Todays song: Whats it called? Shes been everybody elses girl, maybe one day she will be her own, Tori Amos, the goddess.
I want to take this opportunity to give a shout out to my bestest buddy Marilu, who is leaving us for the beautiful East, in order to roam like a gypsy through the world, encountering places and people and experiencing life as a being that is fully conscious of all of its beauty. Born on Friday the 13th, this tall waif-like creature has left a deep impression on everyone who has ever known her and made herself absolutely unforgettable. Marymoo, you are the Fire Maya, you are the Metro-maia, the Mwayi-Ree-Lu, you are phenomenal. I love you so much.

I want to dedicate a song to you, but which one? There have been so many since Ive known you. Lets see … Moloko, it has to be Moloko. All of it. I can never listen to any of those CDs again without my thoughts instantly turning to you. Sayonara!

Belief is a full-time job...

The Most amazing thing has happened. I find myself completely at peace. Well, sort of. I’m supposed to be studying for my Sick Exam right now, but I’ll get to it. Just had to write something. I had to get it out of my head, for fear that I will explode if I don’t. The concepts of Truth and Beauty are discussed in Memnoch the Devil. This was the only one of the Vampire Chronicles that I hadn’t read yet, but am now making up for it. It goes very well with my current state of mind and supports what has been swimming around in my head ever since I read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Well, no, ever since I read Shakespeare. Ever since I heard Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata for the first time. Ever since I read Paulo Coelho. Ever since I read Tom Robbins. How amazing is this world we live in? This reality, whatever it might turn out to mean, has infinite possibilities and magnificence. It has so much that it is almost too much for one soul to stand. That’s why we search for a partner - to share the sheer load of it all, all that Greatness.

In Memnoch, our hero - the Vampire Lestat, undergoes a journey into Heaven and Hell. Its sort of a Faustian situation that goes on, but I will not reveal too much, since I want people to go and read it. It takes modern and pre-modern concepts of God and the Devil and integrates it with what we understand as Darwinian Evolution. What is the point of it all? Why is it all happening? Why does God allow all of this suffering and evil things to exist? Anne Rice makes an excellent point and I really like what shes done with these ideas. I like that as I read, my faith is challenged around every turn of the page. I question what I know (or believe) and reinforce it with reason and logic and all those (not quite as fun as supernatural) things. Science VS Faith. Ive never thought that the two should be mutually exclusive.



I question my existence just like any person. What is my reason for being here? I dont believe in coincidence, I sort of believe in Destiny and Predetermination. So, whats the plan then? Can I ever know? Heres what I think: I believe that we are put on this Earth (each individual with his/her own capacity to understand and perceive) to endure whatever this world can throw at us. Some have it harder than others. I dont think its fair either, but no one ever said it was going to be fair. Each of us have different things to endure and overcome if, by the end of your life (which remains undeterminable) you have perceived enough to make up your own mind about things. Did you spend your time on Earth appreciating your time on Earth? Did you perceive all the Truth and Beauty and Revelation around you? Did you appreciate how amazing the whole of Creation is? Are you able to forgive others for the things they have done to you? Are you able to forgive God for putting you through the difficult things in your life and can you accept that He has His reasons and that in due time (at His discretion), you will know too? Can you forgive yourself for the things you have done to yourself and others? Can you draw acceptance out of all the Quintessential Beauty of Creation that is all around you if you look hard enough? Can you hear the answers and not necessarily like them, but still accept them and be at peace?

I believe that Love and everything that falls under it is the only way to do it. The nature of Love is very simple, I dont need to go into that. That is why, when you meet someone and spend time with them (if only for a short while) and they make the world a more beautiful place than it already is, is that not glorious? All I can offer as proof is my tiny bit of experience. As stated before, people come in and out of our lives and some leave more of an imprint than others. It feels wonderful to have my feelings acknowledged and it feels as if all is right with the world. It feels great to know I didnt imagine it all. It really happened! Confirmation. The potential of this life to continually surprise you is astounding. I didnt think it would ever happen to me for real! Even if it was short-lived - for the moment. Who know what the future will bring. I can draw so much strength from the fact that someone out there thinks Im amazing. They love me the way Ive always wanted to be loved and never dreamed possible. Getting confirmation that ones feelings for another is returned (even in some small way), is a little bit like what it must feel like to come to the end of your life and finding out that all you believe in and cling to - all of your Universal Truth - is real. Does that not redeem all the bad things? Is that not a sign that Good is triumphing over Evil? And what about those two? Are they mutually exclusive? What about balance? Ok, Ill stop now; this is getting out of hand! Too many questions and not nearly enough answers. I look forward to finding the answers, but Im willing to be patient for them. Time will reveal it all. All I have to do is to make sure that I can deal with the Truth when I am confronted with it.

While reading Memnoch, my beliefs were challenged quite often and I have to say, they hold up quite nicely. Im not worried. And meanwhile, Life goes on. I really should get a real job soon. Anyone need a good Editor or Publisher?

Patchess' big mention.

Here's my kitty Patches.
Isn't she sooooooooooo beautiful!?!
Her full name and title is Princess Patchess the Furry.

I love you my honey pie!!!

The Jonathan Livingston Seagull in me

On the way to the coast, the stupid bus broke down. Luckily this happened not far from the halfway stop and I could go for some real coffee while we waited for the replacement bus. The new bus had to be sent from Joburg and was 4 hours away. Yeah for real coffee! Before leaving for Ballito, I had an anxiety attack of sorts. I became convinced that I was going to die in a bus accident and never see anyone I loved ever again. Just when I started to drown in these somewhat irrational emotions, all my friends showed up and saved me from myself. Thanks guys! Thanks especially to Dandelion, who dropped everything and rushed over to my side when she heard I was upset.

Anyway, so while I was waiting for the bus (reading and drinking copious amounts of coffee), this dude came over to talk to me. He was very upset about the bus business and had obviously already had a few beers. I explained to him that it was better for them to delay us than us having an accident and that I was sure this was happening for a reason. He looked at me funny and asked how I could be so sure. I said (and realized it at that moment) that I had to believe it, otherwise my life had no meaning, that everything was connected and that there were no coincidences. He thanked me for being nice to him. Apparently no one had ever talked to him with so much respect before. I merely smiled and said that everyone deserves respect. Then he practically proposed marriage! I laughed it off, but he was quite adamant. He said that he is never going to find someone like me again and I said that he would be surprised at how many women like me there are. Again he insisted that I marry him and I said something along the lines of that men only want to possess women and that I have no desire to be possessed. I hope that didn’t sound too condescending, but he was starting to weird me out.
He did say that I had an inner-light; a warmth that was overwhelming to him. I must admit that this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I was just happy to be alive and the thought that my life had meaning was a nice one. To think that just a few hours before, I was crying and being all irrational about this trip. I was not dead, but alive. And I was inspiring someone, making them feel better.
There is meaning to my life after all and I’ve realized that Life is what you make of it.

Ok, so much for part one of this story. Part two consists of something a little different. Everyone who knows me will be able to tell you that I drive myself crazy just out of pure enjoyment. Well, maybe not enjoyment, but generally it is the by-product of an under-stimulated mind. I’m not going to do that any more. And I’m not going to let others do that to me either. I really am not crazy. Just a little bored. I remain in control of my own mind. I am the Space-Monkey that has assumed command of this melon!
So, enter Mr. Taurus. There is nothing boring about Mr. Taurus. In fact, this handsome young male is in every way that I can see, absolutely beautiful. I really don’t know what to say about him, he’s probably going to laugh at me when he reads all about himself. What I can say is that I’ve known him for a while, though I don’t think I’ve ever really known him before. Not like this. Not that he’s a mysterious person by nature, just that there’s a lot there and it takes more than a moment to see it clearly. He is a Watcher and is Always Watching.
I’m so afraid of what he’ll see.
I don’t know what to call our little ‘romance’, it feels as if mere words are insufficient to describe it. Do I love him? Who knows what that is.. I love going to the beach with him, sharing all of that beauty with him. I love how on top of the world I feel, gazing out onto the horizon, knowing that he is right there, doing the same thing. I love when he takes my hand, I love when he kisses me. I love the way he smiles when he kisses me or when I kiss him. I’m kind of shy around him, but he is so cute about it, he makes me feel at ease with this amazing energy that he exudes. I love his smile and his hair. I love his head, it’s a good head. I love his eyes, I love his mouth, I love his laugh. I love his smell. I love how incredibly hot he is. I love his strength, which shines through in everything he does. I love his strong arms and I love when he takes me into them. I love that he understands what I’m saying, not a lot of people do. I love how he talks to people. I love that he loves my cat. I love how patient he is. I love how focused he is. I love getting wasted with him. Ok, I’m totally running away with this. The point I’m trying to make is that he is amazing. Sometimes I catch myself listening to songs and thinking of him. Then of course, I stop, because I’m being ridiculous. My inner-Sakura says NO! I’m leaving, right?

I’ve never considered geography a major factor between friends, but between lovers it is quite devastating. Suffice it to say that I live far away from him and therefore, cannot allow myself to even think along the lines of love, whatever that is.. Ever since I got here, it’s been like an emotional rollercoaster for me and I have changed my mind about this so many times. I have also re-drafted this entry several times. I don’t even know what is going on inside his head, I can only imagine that he … never mind, I’m not going to venture a guess. Every time I decide that it would be best to just leave it be, he shows up being so damn cute and irresistible. I’m so weak! When I got here with my infamous big mouth, I said something stupid like ‘I wouldn’t mind getting my heart broken, just to know what it feels like’. Yeah, I wasn’t serious! But of all of the stupid things I say, this is the one that the Universe responds to. The irony kills me! I dare not think along those lines though, because I’m leaving pretty soon and the last thing I need is to be in love with someone who lives far away. Not that I’m at all saying that this is love. I’m going to stop saying that now. I’m going to miss him so much. I wish this could go on, so that I would have time to show him who I really am. Right now, I’m just showing him the tip of the iceberg, because I don’t want to waste the little time we have with things like that. Which things?
I’m very much in-like. He’s very easy to fall for, because he is so amazing. I know he likes me too, of that much I’m pretty sure. He’s always stuck me as a decent guy who wouldn’t fake it with someone just for the sake of some fun. I’m sure he really wants to be there. Of course, the record shows me to be a very poor judge of character, since I am so very gullible. (I prefer Trusting).
Nevertheless, I would hate to be wrong about this one.
Frau Frau understands me. So does Jonathan Davis as well as the Foo Fighters.

It is complicated, as it always is. We’re never alone much, but when we are, I really enjoy him. I am having fun. I won’t say though, that whatever is going on is merely fun. For it to be that, I should not care about him like this at all. We come with a little bit of history.. I respect and revere him too much for it to mean absolutely nothing to me. I’m enjoying his company so much. What’s that song? ‘..and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you..’
The flip side is that I have my life to whip into shape and he is just starting a new life somewhere far away from me. I want both of us to be happy and whole - Not pining for something far away - that would only be a half-life. He is so strong in life and I have learnt a lot from him, though I’m sure he is unaware of it. You see, I’ve always been a Watcher too. And I’ve been watching him constantly. Maybe it’s because I’m reading Memnoch the Devil by Anne Rice, that the idea of being a watcher is such a powerful one to me. To watch and to learn and to understand the bigger picture: the nature of nature.
One of the most thrilling experiences is to be seen seeing; To be watched watching; To be observed observing. I feel naked, like there is nowhere I can hide. What do I represent, what do I do? What does he want from me, what does he expect? Who knows! What do I expect? Why can I not say these things to him? Maybe I’m a better writer than a speaker. Maybe I’m a weenie. Maybe I’m afraid of what he’ll say. Maybe I’m afraid of what he won’t say. Maybe I’m not afraid at all, just smart. When writing, I have time to reflect on what I am really feeling and to not drown in irrational initial reactions. I hate – no - detest fear and uncertainty.

Communication has always been hard for me face to face, because I never know what people expect from me. I don’t even know what I expect from myself. Maybe I do.. Maybe disappointing myself is the worst thing that could happen. If I disappoint myself, maybe I lose all the self-respect I have fought so hard to gain. My ivory-tower is fragile yet.. Anyway, I am drifting from the point. Or am I? Maybe I am truly nearing the point for the first time. People come in and out of your life and the only really consistent one is You yourself. We should all learn to appreciate the amazing people we meet and remember them when they are gone. Honoring their memory - so to speak..
Maybe I do love Mr. Taurus. Maybe I always have and that is why he is still allowed in my life. Maybe I am only noticing his true brilliance now. This romantic spirit of mine would love nothing more than the drama involved in being in love with someone I cannot have, but my new rational, grown-up side realizes that I am lucky to have had what I do and I can draw a lot of strength from that.
I’ve always believed that nothing is stronger than Love, whatever that is.

Adventures of Ree in the land of dust.

There goes the neighbourhood!

So, Im off to the coast to regain my sanity. I didnt get to write my last exam that was on 666. I got a sick-note. I know what you are thinking, but I assure you, I didnt have to fake any illness, Im really sick. It certainly doesnt help that the block across from me is getting demolished to make way for progress and the eventual Gautrain-station. Theres so much light now…
Demolition is no laughing matter. Not caring that people who live in the area are most likely students, hellishly studying for the June Exams, they have been a-demolishing happily from 07h00-21h00 every day for the last 3 weeks, only taking a much deserved break on Sundays. It looks like a war zone out there and sounds like you are constantly under fire! The dust is everywhere and it is no wonder that everyone is coming down with chest-area sicknesses. No one can breathe properly and I wish I had a mask to walk around with. The noise is really getting to me too. Its grating. I tremble even when Im not in the flat. I'm sick and the anti-biotics are killing me; hormonal; sleep-depraved; Exam ridden; seriously in panic because I have only 1 month left to find another place to live and a job to pay the rent; my flatmate and I are clinging to hope of release while trying not to take our frustrations out on each other; I havent seen my cat or my parents in a long time and seriously lack something or someone to be fascinated with.
Stinks, huh? Would it surprise you in anyway to find out that I dont think Ive ever been happier in my entire life?
Im finally learning to like myself and to come to terms with things that Ive never been able to before. I think that Ive reached a certain plateau of emotional maturity. I used to think that everything that is wrong was my own fault and consequently, was very hard on myself. I supposed Ive accepted that life is not always fair. Now, I know I dont have it so bad, but I'm also done comparing myself to other people. I cannot live my life like that. I can't constantly be assessing what I have and what others have. It would drive me insane and keep me from doing the things I set out to do. Who am I? Do you really want to know?
Just kidding. The point is that I know who I am and I refuse to listen to other opinions on the matter. Certain people are fond of having such opinions and imposing them on me. I'm also done blaming myself for relationships that don’t work out, when I clearly was the one NOT at fault. Its true that I have many issues, but at least I dont make them those of other people! Hey, Tim? Anyway, so now I live in what I have affectionately come to call: Chechnya-all-over-again. Jansie, Margaux and I have decided to document this blessed event, which is undeniably, the end of an era. The following are pictures of what is going on outside my flat in the middle of Hatfields’ busiest street - Burnette street. I think every old-Hatfieldite can appreciate this, since it has been a part of Hatfield reality for many years. Notice the somewhat victorious destruction of Recess and Times 4, which have been Sodom& Gomorra for as long as Ive lived here. Poor little Katja cutie-pooh is having a tough time with the noise and shakes too!
Destruction? carnage? Bwah-ha-ha! What a great time to be moving!
Your Queen will be on holiday at a really pretty and quiet beach until the 23rd, where the only sounds I will hear is that of the ocean - which may or may not be trying to kill me. Lots of fun to be had and never a dull moment. WATCH THIS SPACE!

And I declare this, My Independence Day.

I decided today that I am going to stop being so dependent on everyone else. Not because the world has taught me that you cannot count on them. I realise that all people cannot be trusted, I'm not that naive! Plenty of the people that I know can be relied upon for anything!
The point is that I've decided that I am strong and capable. I can depend on myself, because I am able to in most cases. I'm obviously not including extreme circumstances in my little scenario. Maybe I just needed to realise my own worth, my own strength. Maybe I have. Just to stop being so in need of guidance all the time! I'm almost 25 years old for Pete's Sake! Time to grow up!

I am being too hard on myself, I know. My therapist maintains that that is the root of all my problems. Whatever.. I have ree-assumed command of this mind.

It's all about control and confidence.


I'm going away for a little while. Visit the folks down in Ballito.



My studpid friend Grt made a stupid joke about something so damn stupid,
and now I'm obsessing over it.

Thanks alot for putting these ideas into my head, Grt!

Grrr!

The end?

What if I died tomorrow?
I’ve been very emotional lately and I cannot fight the feeling that the world is going to end. What if there were no tomorrow? What if today was my last day on Earth?
What would I have wanted my last day to include? I realise that I have 9 days left before my Exams are officially over for this semester and I should probably focus on those 9 days than on just one day… But this is an especially important day we’re talking about. If I die, this blog would never receive a new entry, but would exist up to my last entry most likely forever! I realise that I must sound very silly sometimes, going on and on about things that don’t really matter. In the end, I guess I decided that what others think of me isn’t as important as what I think of me. I am conflicted as to my own identity and this is manifested in the way I approach life. If I had more self-confidence, I could take over the world. Grrr…Arggh! I have recently become aware of my own strength and have surprised myself with the sheer magnitude of it, flowing through me like electricity.
Now, If I died tomorrow, I would like the following things known about me. I am Ree. I believe in Love and that God is Love. It is energy that encompasses everything. That is why Love is stronger than EVERYTHING and ANYTHING out there. I belief that everything that Love entails and requires of a person are what should be considered good values. I belief that people make mistakes and will continue to do so. The only way to progress past this point is to learn from your mistakes and get over them, becoming stronger and better in the process. I believe that you can learn something from everyone that comes across your way. I believe that in retrospect, everything becomes clearer and we are able to see why things happen the way they do. I believe in the innate goodness of everyone and am saddened by the realisation that you cannot trust everyone. There are bad people out there that want to harm you, so be vigilant and stick to your principles. I believe that Integrity is one of the most important qualities a person can have and that it must never be called into question. You must always preserve your integrity. I believe that when you love, you must do so with every fibre of your being, even when it seems unrealistic or impossible. I believe we must forgive, even if it seems unlikely. I don’t believe in holding grudges. I believe in building people up, not breaking them down. I believe in peace, but at the same time, that we should fight for what is right. I do not believe that violence is the only option in a fight. I believe in predetermination, but also that we construct our own realities. This is possible because of Free Will, which is the most amazing thing. I think God gave us Free Will because He/She loves us like a parent loves his/her children: so much that we are trusted to choose for ourselves what our path will be. LOVE; TRUST; RESPECT; HONOUR; TRUTH; BEAUTY; FREEDOM. This is the legacy that such a relationship instils in us. I believe that there are many roads to a specific destination, with different lessons and adventures in each.
I Love my parents, and my brother. I love my family. My friends, I love you as well. Everyone whom I have ever called a friend can rest assuredly that I do not throw this term around carelessly. If I considered you a friend, I gave you the time of day, and thus there can be no question that I loved you dearly. I regret that I have never been in love, it is something that I have always been curious about. Even though I get discouraged sometimes, I’ve never really doubted the existence thereof. I believe that the soul-mates hypothesis is overly-simplistic. There is no ONE. There are many Potentials and it is up to us to explore that potential and make something out of it.
The secret of life is to bet everything you have and are on what you believe to be true beyond a showdown of doubt. That is your validation, that is you universal truth, your purpose, your reason for being. I believe that Heaven has everything really really great and that Hell has everything really really crap.
I love this planet, I love all of Creation, I love that everything is interconnected and that everything has a purpose. I love cats and animals in general. I love the internet! I love music and books and learning things.
I believe that I will see everyone I love in Heaven and that I will know them immediately, and be able to spend eternity with them.

In the event that I don't die tomorrow, this will all seem a little silly, but I would hate for it to be too late to say these things. Thus, let the record show that there once lived a Ree and she knew what Love was. Or at least, thought she did. I can here Jim Morrison now: 'This is the end ...'
I still maintain that I want to be reincarnated as The colour Violet.

Atlas shrugged

She carried the world on her shoulders, every muscle tensing up under the pressure. She had no other responsibility but to keep the enormous globe from falling. Crumbling beneath its weight, she stood in the garden, barely managing to stand upright. Heavy. Gigantic. World crushing me! Sense of responsibility – let no harm come to that which is in your charge! Cannot drop it, must not drop it. Hold on, this is your validation! Your reason for being! You are so used to carrying your burden anyway, it has become part of your frame. Your posture has gone all screwy. She can remember that it used to be perfect, like a Ballerina. Now, her shoulders and neck and arms are so used to bracing itself and her spine has grown to support her head as it supports the world. Mine and mine alone…

“You know you can’t keep this up forever, right?” came the Voice.
She looks around, not able to discern where it came from. Somewhere… up in the trees perhaps.. She can’t see that far up, the globe on her shoulders is blocking her view.
“Why don’t you let it go?” the Voice says again.
“I can’t let it go!” she replies into the nothing, “I am responsible for it”.
She walks around a bit, partly to stretch her sore muscles, partly to find the owner of the mysterious voice. As she walks, she balances the world, taking it this way and that. She tries to shift the weight a bit to here and then to there. Just a little bit of relief would be nice.
“Just a little bit of relief would be nice, wouldn’t it?” the Voice says again.
It startles her. Can the Voice read her mind?
“Where are you?” she says and then “Who are you?”
Silence.
Then, “I am everywhere and all things. You can see me anywhere you look, if you try hard enough”.
She sighs. “If that is so, I shall never see you. I don’t have a moment to try and see anyone, I have this globe to carry and it is making me tired”.
It was as if she could feel the Voice smiling kindly. She did not fear it.
“Why don’t you let someone else hold it for you?” came the Voice again.
She thought about it for a moment. “No, I do not trust anyone else not to drop it. What if they don’t care enough to protect it? No, it must be my burden alone!”
“Why do you care so much?” the Voice asked.
She didn’t answer.
“You could try to put it down somewhere” the Voice volunteered after a while.
She shook her head, causing the globe to bounce a bit. She recovers from the strain and it goes still again. “I have to keep it in the air, its how this works’. She looked very sad as she said this.
“Perhaps you could put it up in a tree?”
She looks around at all the trees. “That might work - it will have to be a very strong tree, with lots of thick branches…”
She goes in search of a tree. After hours, she finds the perfect one. It is huge, the biggest one she has ever seen. Its branches are thick and look strong. It was the kind of tree that gave off lots of shade. “Here” she says, “But how will I get it up there?”
“You could throw it” the Voice said.
“I don’t think so, what if I miss?” She was getting discouraged.
“Here” says the Voice. As she watches, a ladder appears. It was tall and very sturdy looking. She smiles and starts climbing using only one hand, as the other one balances the globe on her shoulders. About halfway up, she becomes afraid of dropping it and freezes. “What if I fall and drop it?”
“You won’t, just keep going’, prompted the Voice. It keeps encouraging her as she climbs higher and higher. She finally reaches the top and selects the perfect spot to place her charge. She carefully puts it down and almost loses her balance as she stands up straight again. She is not used to the absence of pressure. She stretches out a bit and takes a deep breath. “Climb down now” says the Voice happily.
“No, I don’t want to climb. I want to fly” she says with tears in her eyes.
“Why don’t you jump?” the Voice says as a net appears below her, “I’ll catch you”.
She looks down. It is very far to fall.
“Do you want to say goodbye first?”
“No” she smiles, “I know the world will be safe now. And I am free. Free to pursue other things”. Slowly, she falls forward. Falling and falling, down and down and down, the wind rushing up against her. She falls straight into the net and bounces around for a little while. As she lays there, catching her breath, the Voice speaks again, “What are you going to do now?”
She gets up and stretches out again, enjoying the virtual weightlessness completely. “I guess I’ll do whatever I want…” Giggle giggle.
“And what is that?”
“I don’t know” she shrugs, “I guess I’ll find that out as I go along”. She starts running. On and on and on she runs - embracing the future, paying homage to the past and for the present? Who knows… Perhaps she will return one day, but for now, she is free and can be whoever she wants to be.

Like a virgin.....oo!

So, my week has been crazy. I met a guy this weekend who really sparked my imagination. I know what you're thinking... here we go again. I doubt that anything will come of it, though. I'm not exactly your average fairytale princess, am I? Oh, I'm not dissing myself, I'm just saying that things like the yukky-love crap never really works out for me. And I'm so sick of this subject. Spent last week quite miserably searching for something to distract me from the realisation that I don't feel anymore. That I don't engage anymore with this world. Blah! A couple of days later, I spent an hour crying my heart out in my Therapist's office about not being able to cry any more. What a nut-job!
Anyway, so I'm studying for the exams. Got a distinction for my visual communication study of feminism. Yeah! And I'm learning a lot about film history. Can't wait to see Citizen Kane! When I was much younger, this is embarrasing, I has the biggest Jones for Orson Welles. I used to dream about becomming Mrs. Welles....OK, moving on.

My flatmate and her new boyfriend are making me ill with their own special brand of yukky-love crap. I hope this one stays, he's kinda growing on me, eventhough I was suspicious of him in the beginning. When am I going to have a life? When will I stop living through the experiences of others!
I'm just being melodramatic, I really like my life and the semi-independent shell I've constructed around it. My heart is a virgin. It remains intact, even after many close-calls.
One day I hope to have graduated to a frame of reference that does not include wondering why I'm about to be 25 and still single. Lets hope its tomorrow.

Finally decided what to do after I finally finish studying... Drumroll please!
I'm going to go live in the U.K. Publishing is big there and I've always wanted to go. Besides, If I leave before January 2008, I will be gone for 2 years (more than enough time) and be back in time for January 2010. I have to be back in S.A. for 2010, its going to be super terrific!
Is that a great idea, or is that a great idea?

Where did all the birdies go?

Does anyone know the story about the Strilitzias?

As I remember it (and this should by no means be taken as reliable),
the Strilitzias were once birds.
The noisy, sqauwking kind. Now, I think what happened was that they pissed off this Magician and he turned them into flowers as punishment. Does anyone know how it goes?

Nice girl seeking nice boy. Really.

Things are going very slow at the moment. All I really have to do is to study for the exam in June, which is only in June, which is still almost half a month off. It has been brought to my attention that I am suspicious of every new person I meet. Especially men. Ok, so maybe I have a few trust issues, but after High school I was really disillusioned! My best friend was the most popular girl in school and I forever in her shadow. The Sidekick. Traumatic as that was for me, nothing could ever compare to the disappointment that I had with men. Those who weren’t trying to get to my best friend through me, dated me for a while and cheated on me with good friends of mine. That excludes the boys that told me whatever I wanted to hear just to get into my pants. Obviously, I’m better off without them, but do not for a second think that I have emerged unscathed from this experience. I mistrust people’s (especially men’s) intentions.

Ok, so I admit that I was never an innocent little angel and I do concede that maybe it was easier to get in my pants than say, 40% of other girls my age. (I made that figure up so don’t take me literally!) And I was also very naïve. Guess I still believed in the whole happily ever after, soul-mates hogwash. Fell way too quickly. I did have a lot of good times too, though! I was popular by association! Since High school, I have changed a lot. I like to think that I have grown into a person of some substance. I’ve had to learn that there are very few really nice people on this Earth. That’s why you should appreciate the ones that are such rare and amazing people. People just cannot be trusted too quickly. I never wanted to live in a world where you cannot trust anyone, so it makes me very sad. Do you know how many guys look my way, trying to catch my eye and I just look away? I just evade and avoid. No wonder I’m single! I’m not willing to give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. I’m convinced that most guys are scumbags, and so are most of my friends. I’m afraid to be used, abused, lied to, misused, date raped, the list goes on!

Is there not something wrong here? Guys, please! Stop being such bastards! I realise that you are all confused as to your new position in society what with changing media portrayal of modern male sociologically determined conventions and everything, but give me a break! Just be decent! Don’t lie, cheat, use, abuse or go unwashed from one poor woman to the next. Don’t you know that women are mystical? Don’t you know that you are making yourself very hard to trust? Are there ANY decent guys left? That aren’t gay or already married? (Married guys who try to pick you up are gross). I can count the amount of really decent guys I know on one hand. Maybe there should be a website on which you can report a low-life scumbag, so that other women can be warned. We should have the same for men too, because there are plenty of evil women out there.

It was Mothers Day on Sunday. I would love to be a mother one day. A woman bears a child with all her might. That’s magical. As I said, I would love to have a child one day. Maybe two. My daughter will be just as insane as I am, as my Mother before me and my Grandmother before her. We come from a long line of consistently insane and domestically challenged women. It would be an honour to pass on these delightful genes. My daughter, who I will name Maya - after the ancient civilisation and the bee, will be raised with the knowledge that all men and women are created equal. I believe that gender roles are merely a consequence of social conditioning. I refer here to the writings of Margaret Mead. Young Maya will be overloaded with knowledge and positive moral values. I’m much more spiritual than religious, so I will teach and encourage her to be open-minded. I want my baby t take on the world. She will be my little vanity project. I wouldn’t mind having a son, either. I’ll raise him to be the perfect man. They say that there is a gene for open-mindedness. If this is true, don’t you think that it is our duty as progressive people to pass on our good genes to future generations? To not only ensure the survival, but also the progression of the human species, thus aiding evolution in taking a giant leap forward. Or something like that. You can tell that I’ve been thinking about this, can’t you? I would love to bring a life into this world. I would adopt too, since it is a wonderful thing to do for yourself and for someone else. If you have the right intentions, that is..

Of course, I won’t be ready to become a mother for at least another 7 years. I’m still a child myself and I need to be a grownup before I can subject someone else to me. Plus, even though I am planning on being 100% capable of raising a child by myself, it would be best if I had a consistent father-figure/sperm-donor/monkey for the kid. It would also help if said father-figure were my significant other. I’m rather traditional where things like that are concerned. I thought I was pregnant the other day, but it was only me being irrational again. There was really NO WAY I could’ve gotten a bun in the oven, really! I have a habit of suddenly believing something, convincing myself completely and running away with the idea. Can you see why I can’t procreate yet?

My mother is a wonderful woman. She’s kind, gentle, funny, naughty, fun, adventurous, caring, smart and capable. These are things that I want to be so badly for my children. A truly delightful person, who is wonderful to have a conversation with. Very evasive though, like me. My mom is also an unrelenting optimist. I must have gotten it from her. Sometimes it’s really hard to see the silver-lining, but my mom knows just where to look. I sometimes worry about her, stuck with my Dad and Brother, who are silly old Pessimists. That’s why I make an effort when I’m down there to do girly things with her, that I know they are not thinking about. At least they got her flowers this year.

Viva La France!

So I've really done it this time. I have a very good friend who has a really hot younger brother. Now, when I say younger, I mean maybe 20 or 21. I'm on the verge of being 25 myself. yikes. So, hot young thing whom I shall refer to as JR is a (very) tall, dark and handsome young french boy. Yum. He's been flirting with me mercilessly for months now and in my somewhat fragile mental state, I felt it best to ignore said attention. Besides, I'm no cradle-snatcher. Anyhoo, he really was just asking for it. Now, as I believe I've said, I abstained. One day, I run into young JR in town and he invites himself over to my flat for tea. We have tea. He flirts with me. I enjoy the attention but laugh everything off. Then (and I'm really not going to explain how this came to be, use your imagination) we end up wresteling. (Don't look at me like that.) He's so much stronger than me. and so much taller. I'm 1.73. I'm sure he must be at least 1.9. Sigh. Anyway, so I can see what he wants. It is written all over his face. I heard somewhere (I forget where) that younger guys are very eager to please... Compromising position. Strong hands and arms. Oh, that mouth. Such a smart, clever, charming boy. Geez, those eyes, staring at me so expectantly.. No! I must not. Don't touch... NoNoNo! I really need some affection though. No, don't go there!!!
I considered every angle and the only possible conclusion was to stop before it got out of hand. He smells so good. Like soap and sandlewood. What is that cologne that I detect, rising up from his adorable self. NONONO! Ah, screw it. Yup, you guessed it. after carefully considering it, I decided that I really have nothing to loose and it was now or never. I pounced. He kisses like a deamon. I'm so sorry I waited. He's so strong.. And then Jansie, my flatmate walks in on us. I walk him out and grab him in the lift again. So tall!
I'm most likely going to do it again, but it doesn't matter. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, and I certainly don't want a toy boy. Even if he does speak french at me the whole time. Maybe I need to think about this. Maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't waste any energy worrying about it. Perhaps nothing will come of it...

Brave New World.

A very good friend of mine came to visit all the way from Japan, and I have to say, it has been amazing spending time with him. Its like he never really left and is essentially still the same singular person that he alway was. I just enjoyed basking in his glow of fabulousness. Its funny how I never know what to say to people who leave or whom I haven't seen for a long time. Like when Wes and Nic left, I didn't know what to say at that moment. What do you say to people when you have to say goodbey? This is the last memory they will have of you, you'd better make it good! And usually, I got Nothing. Goodbeys are so tragic. It's like my heart just stops beating for a while, until it warms up again after I have a stiff drink. I remember when my friend Amy went back to Australia. We cried so much, I couldn't breathe. I suppose its only really important to appreciate the people in our lives completely, so that when they leave, you have all these amazing memories to treasure. I'll miss Hein so much when he leaves again. And now Mary Moo is leaving for Japan too. It's really great, because it is such an exciting adventure. I am so glad that she landed this opportunity, the future looks brilliant from here on. One day will be my turn, and people will flock to the Airport to see me off and cry and tell me how much they'll miss me and how much they love me. And I will be on my way to fulfill my destiny and chasing adventure. Lu, ek gaan jou baie mis, maar ek is so bly vir jou, my skat. It's all happening! Oh Brave New World that has such people in it...

I had a breakthrough, nevermind the contributing factors of how, why and when. My older, future Self came to me in a vision. Future Ree stuck out her hand for me to help me up where I was kneeling. The expression on her face was so calm and kind. So infinitely wise and confident. And she seemed so strong and capable. She told me to come with her, that she will show me the way. That I must just concentrate on her voice. For the first time, I am not afraid anymore. Of anything. I know that I can handle anything. Almost anything, at least. There is no need to be afraid. I recognise and trust that now, because I have found the strength in myself. Burried deep within. The time has come to seize everything that is rightfully mine, my sanity being the most pressing.

Today mental health, Tomorrow, THE WORLD!

A night under the stars.

I went to the doctor because I have a bad case of the flu. It was all under control until I went to donate blood, which I feel is everyone’s duty. Unfortunately, being without my somewhat vital red blood cells made me very sick. Sorry if whoever gets my blood gets sick. My bad! So anyway, my Doctor made me swear that I will never donate blood again, since my body needs every drop of it to keep me alive. What followed was another lecture for being a vegetarian. Why don't people get it? At least she gave me some iron supplements and now I am on the road to recovery. I still feel fat and bloated and slimy. Yuk! It really sucks being sick, especially since I was visiting my parents for the holiday at the time. They live in Ballito, which is on the East Coast in Natal. It’s really beautiful there.



One of my favourite places is my parents’ balcony, which has a spectacular view of the Indian Ocean. Sometimes, when I stand on that balcony staring/gazing, it feels like I’m on an island. We live on such a beautiful planet; I wish people would appreciate it more. At night, the coast is lit up and it is then that my ‘Night Island’ really gets to me. It is a compelling sense of peace and infinite wisdom that comes over me and makes me unable to look away or to concentrate on anything else. Standing there night after night, arrested by the sublime splendour of Creation, I feel so in touch with the ebb and flow of the Universe. It’s like I can say to the Universe: ‘Here I am. I can see you. Can you see me?’ At times like these, I can hardly remember ever feeling insignificant in my life. On the last nights of my stay there, the Moon was full. There is nothing as disarming as the silver Full Moon reflected on the water, the light dancing. There is nothing like being bathed in the Moonlight, hearing the voice of some not so distant source of power and magic, being caressed and soothed by it. A truly healing experience. I would love to share such a moment with my beloved. Any takers? Never mind…

Another favourite place of mine is the beach. Now, I have severe Beach bias. I hate sharing the beach with hundreds of people, I loathe getting sunburnt (I refuse to get skin cancer) and detest being hot. When I go to the beach, it’s usually after 3, so that the sun is on its way to setting, thus allowing the sand to cool down. Also, not a lot of people go there that late. If I do go earlier, I usually climb to my ‘Secret Spot’. Only accessible by climbing out some impressive coastal cliffs and therefore, rather exclusive. It’s like having your own private beach. I like my privacy, especially if I’m gonna strut about in my only bikini (unreasonably tiny). I hate being so close to naked and feel really uncomfortable if others are there to stare. So, back to the point: What I really like to do is to lie on the sand, eyes closed and hands and feet buried in the sand. Within, I can feel my own heartbeat against the sand. Sometimes I am convinced that I can feel the Earth’s heartbeat in sync with mine. It’s almost as though I am plugged into the Earth. I can feel it move, I can feel it breathe. Almost allowing me to become one with the Earth. This experience always has such a calming, humbling effect on me. I find such peace there. Peace that eludes me, living in the city. Clarity I am completely without usually. Perhaps I should move there.. No, the family would drive me crazy. Ah the Ocean… We have a special relationship, one of mutual obsession. It’s a cross between a love affair and a constant assassination attempt. Perhaps I will go into greater detail on another occasion. Maybe I will include it in my memoirs.

a lament for aquafresh, thanks for everything!

I’ve recently undergone a change. While it might sound arbitrary to someone else, this is a big moment every time it happens. I changed my toothpaste. I was using Aquafresh, but I finished it. Toothpaste usually lasts me a while, because I squeeze it out from the bottom, NOT the middle. Today I squeezed out the last of the last and promptly replaced it with Sensodyne. It was on a rare promotion and I decided to try something new. I like to experiment. Now, as I underwent this change, I realised that my life has been somewhat like this Aquafresh. Squeezed from the bottom, patiently edging forward and drained of my contents until there is nothing left. That day was changing day. A day for the record books. The day I changed to Sensodyne was also the day I earned a new beginning. And I’m going to use it. Couldn’t wait till I got to brush my teeth again, with my new toothpaste. But when I did, it tasted really terrible and it is taking me a really long time to get used to this taste. Alas, you can’t have everything. I have decided that this is not necessarily a bad thing. Change is always good, no matter how hard it is to get used to. My therapist says that she can see how I’m improving and so does my boss. I have to say that I feel much stronger and happier and at peace, now that I’ve made up my mind to eliminate certain things in my life that cause me unhappiness. I’m going to focus on the progression of MY self, on becoming who I really desperately want to be. In a sense, I am that person already, because the values that I deem important are already present in my heart. I’m not willing to compromise with the world any longer. My way or the highway! No longer will I fret because it is so hard to conform and preserve your self-respect. Hail Queen Ree, the Partie Weirdo! If people do not understand or accept me for who I am, that’s their problem. The fact that all these amazing people are in my life who love me, is testament enough that I can’t be all the things I (and society) say that I am. I say to me, here and now: Give yourself a break Ree, you are worth much more than you give yourself credit for.

I only ever kill two things: Mosqitos and Cocroaches. I know I know, Thou shalt not kill and all of that. Believe me, I am guilt ridden everytime I have to do it, but I have very little choice. I live in a flat that is very small and can get over run by the building’s many cockroaches very easily, if not controlled. I do not want to share the little space that I have with Ralph and Rodney Roach. Mossies I have to kill, because when they see me they decide OOH! BUFFET! And all attack me at once, probably trying to determine who can drain me first! It’s clearly a survival thing, so I choose me! I have killed a spider, but I still feel guilty about that after a year. It was so beautiful, but it and its children were moving into my house. I’m fine with them I they continue to live and thrive outside, but my house has to be spider free. Especially dangerous spider free. I was once bitten by a violin spider and slept for two days after being injected with antihistamine. I wasn’t going to kill it, normally I would just scoop it up and throw it outside. Unfortunately, the spider was trying to protect its children and was ready to attack me. No, the pretty spider had to go. It was really colourful, and I was sure that that meant that it was highly dangerous. Sorry spider. It’s really bad karma to kill anything. I’ll get over it though, because I figure that everyone has a right to protect themselves. To everything I have ever killed, I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I can, since I’m at the head of the food chain here. I am trying to break this murderous cycle and I haven’t eaten any meat for a very long time. I am at peace with the Earth and all it’s creatures, but sometimes I slip up and let my selfish concerns of self-preservation get in the way of my unity with the Earth. Besides, show me one spider that has never killed in the name of survival…

Down with Mercury!

Wow, I haven't had much time to Internet lately and I was having serious withdrawl issues. It's been a quiet sort of week. Went to my one class, lectured my one tutorial class that show up, spent some time with friends, said goodbey to a good one, looking for a job, etc. I also attended an informal Philisophy seminar called Footnotes @ Tings. This, ofcourse, refers to Tings & Times in Hatfield Pretoria. Also, Footnotes stem from Footnotes to Plato, in which the theory is that all Philosophy since Plato has been basically, footnotes to Plato. I like that. So, we were discussing Heidegger (correct spelling?) and the beingness of being. I am here now, at this moment. and that much I know for a fact. I am not a mere figment of my own imagination.
I really enjoyed it, its right up my alley. These very same issues have been mine and pursuing the Question has been an obsession of mine for a long time. I guess I got so distracted by the everyday shit that I lost track of what I was doing before I was interrupted. Girl - Interrupted. Well, Now I'm trying to spend more time on those things that I love, but never have time or energy for anymore. I can't keep letting life get in the way of my happiness. Happiness is a conscious pursuit. The question?

Slightly off subject now, I really need to ask a question and I invite (no, implore) everyone to please respond to this if you can:

The moon influences the ocean in that it creates a rhythm that make waves. We are like 90% water, or something like that. Does that not prove that the moon affects us on a molecular level? And looking at it like that, could planetary allignments not influence us?
You see, I am still blaming Mercury for my very trying couple of weeks, (3weeksfromHell) as that culprit Mercury had been in Retrograde. That means that it was in such a position that it had an effect on people. I've heard all the arguements, ok! I realise that if you believe something, it will manifest itself in your reality. But so many people share my experience in that the last few weeks have been really chaotic. Mercury is supposed to screw up communication and technology and just plain normal functioning of everything. Things just got harder to accomplish and stress and frustration were all over the place. I don't even know if this is a terribly coherent arguement, but in light of what I have said about planetary allignments influencing us, HOW on this Earth can people still deny that Mercury had anything to do with it?
Watch out! Next one is in November! Prepare yourself and organise a holiday for just after. You'll need it. Do it well in advance though, you don't want Mercury to screw up your travel arrangements!

Think I'm a space cadet? You won't be the first. I'm just trying to help you see the facts. You're welcome to ignore it. Good luck!

Something for everyone.

"If we are to achieve a richer culture, rich in contrasting values, we must recognize the whole gamut of potentialities, and so weave a less arbitrary social fabric, one in which diverse human gifts will all find a fitting place." - Margaret Mead "Sex and Temperament"