Brave New World.

A very good friend of mine came to visit all the way from Japan, and I have to say, it has been amazing spending time with him. Its like he never really left and is essentially still the same singular person that he alway was. I just enjoyed basking in his glow of fabulousness. Its funny how I never know what to say to people who leave or whom I haven't seen for a long time. Like when Wes and Nic left, I didn't know what to say at that moment. What do you say to people when you have to say goodbey? This is the last memory they will have of you, you'd better make it good! And usually, I got Nothing. Goodbeys are so tragic. It's like my heart just stops beating for a while, until it warms up again after I have a stiff drink. I remember when my friend Amy went back to Australia. We cried so much, I couldn't breathe. I suppose its only really important to appreciate the people in our lives completely, so that when they leave, you have all these amazing memories to treasure. I'll miss Hein so much when he leaves again. And now Mary Moo is leaving for Japan too. It's really great, because it is such an exciting adventure. I am so glad that she landed this opportunity, the future looks brilliant from here on. One day will be my turn, and people will flock to the Airport to see me off and cry and tell me how much they'll miss me and how much they love me. And I will be on my way to fulfill my destiny and chasing adventure. Lu, ek gaan jou baie mis, maar ek is so bly vir jou, my skat. It's all happening! Oh Brave New World that has such people in it...

I had a breakthrough, nevermind the contributing factors of how, why and when. My older, future Self came to me in a vision. Future Ree stuck out her hand for me to help me up where I was kneeling. The expression on her face was so calm and kind. So infinitely wise and confident. And she seemed so strong and capable. She told me to come with her, that she will show me the way. That I must just concentrate on her voice. For the first time, I am not afraid anymore. Of anything. I know that I can handle anything. Almost anything, at least. There is no need to be afraid. I recognise and trust that now, because I have found the strength in myself. Burried deep within. The time has come to seize everything that is rightfully mine, my sanity being the most pressing.

Today mental health, Tomorrow, THE WORLD!

A night under the stars.

I went to the doctor because I have a bad case of the flu. It was all under control until I went to donate blood, which I feel is everyone’s duty. Unfortunately, being without my somewhat vital red blood cells made me very sick. Sorry if whoever gets my blood gets sick. My bad! So anyway, my Doctor made me swear that I will never donate blood again, since my body needs every drop of it to keep me alive. What followed was another lecture for being a vegetarian. Why don't people get it? At least she gave me some iron supplements and now I am on the road to recovery. I still feel fat and bloated and slimy. Yuk! It really sucks being sick, especially since I was visiting my parents for the holiday at the time. They live in Ballito, which is on the East Coast in Natal. It’s really beautiful there.



One of my favourite places is my parents’ balcony, which has a spectacular view of the Indian Ocean. Sometimes, when I stand on that balcony staring/gazing, it feels like I’m on an island. We live on such a beautiful planet; I wish people would appreciate it more. At night, the coast is lit up and it is then that my ‘Night Island’ really gets to me. It is a compelling sense of peace and infinite wisdom that comes over me and makes me unable to look away or to concentrate on anything else. Standing there night after night, arrested by the sublime splendour of Creation, I feel so in touch with the ebb and flow of the Universe. It’s like I can say to the Universe: ‘Here I am. I can see you. Can you see me?’ At times like these, I can hardly remember ever feeling insignificant in my life. On the last nights of my stay there, the Moon was full. There is nothing as disarming as the silver Full Moon reflected on the water, the light dancing. There is nothing like being bathed in the Moonlight, hearing the voice of some not so distant source of power and magic, being caressed and soothed by it. A truly healing experience. I would love to share such a moment with my beloved. Any takers? Never mind…

Another favourite place of mine is the beach. Now, I have severe Beach bias. I hate sharing the beach with hundreds of people, I loathe getting sunburnt (I refuse to get skin cancer) and detest being hot. When I go to the beach, it’s usually after 3, so that the sun is on its way to setting, thus allowing the sand to cool down. Also, not a lot of people go there that late. If I do go earlier, I usually climb to my ‘Secret Spot’. Only accessible by climbing out some impressive coastal cliffs and therefore, rather exclusive. It’s like having your own private beach. I like my privacy, especially if I’m gonna strut about in my only bikini (unreasonably tiny). I hate being so close to naked and feel really uncomfortable if others are there to stare. So, back to the point: What I really like to do is to lie on the sand, eyes closed and hands and feet buried in the sand. Within, I can feel my own heartbeat against the sand. Sometimes I am convinced that I can feel the Earth’s heartbeat in sync with mine. It’s almost as though I am plugged into the Earth. I can feel it move, I can feel it breathe. Almost allowing me to become one with the Earth. This experience always has such a calming, humbling effect on me. I find such peace there. Peace that eludes me, living in the city. Clarity I am completely without usually. Perhaps I should move there.. No, the family would drive me crazy. Ah the Ocean… We have a special relationship, one of mutual obsession. It’s a cross between a love affair and a constant assassination attempt. Perhaps I will go into greater detail on another occasion. Maybe I will include it in my memoirs.

a lament for aquafresh, thanks for everything!

I’ve recently undergone a change. While it might sound arbitrary to someone else, this is a big moment every time it happens. I changed my toothpaste. I was using Aquafresh, but I finished it. Toothpaste usually lasts me a while, because I squeeze it out from the bottom, NOT the middle. Today I squeezed out the last of the last and promptly replaced it with Sensodyne. It was on a rare promotion and I decided to try something new. I like to experiment. Now, as I underwent this change, I realised that my life has been somewhat like this Aquafresh. Squeezed from the bottom, patiently edging forward and drained of my contents until there is nothing left. That day was changing day. A day for the record books. The day I changed to Sensodyne was also the day I earned a new beginning. And I’m going to use it. Couldn’t wait till I got to brush my teeth again, with my new toothpaste. But when I did, it tasted really terrible and it is taking me a really long time to get used to this taste. Alas, you can’t have everything. I have decided that this is not necessarily a bad thing. Change is always good, no matter how hard it is to get used to. My therapist says that she can see how I’m improving and so does my boss. I have to say that I feel much stronger and happier and at peace, now that I’ve made up my mind to eliminate certain things in my life that cause me unhappiness. I’m going to focus on the progression of MY self, on becoming who I really desperately want to be. In a sense, I am that person already, because the values that I deem important are already present in my heart. I’m not willing to compromise with the world any longer. My way or the highway! No longer will I fret because it is so hard to conform and preserve your self-respect. Hail Queen Ree, the Partie Weirdo! If people do not understand or accept me for who I am, that’s their problem. The fact that all these amazing people are in my life who love me, is testament enough that I can’t be all the things I (and society) say that I am. I say to me, here and now: Give yourself a break Ree, you are worth much more than you give yourself credit for.

I only ever kill two things: Mosqitos and Cocroaches. I know I know, Thou shalt not kill and all of that. Believe me, I am guilt ridden everytime I have to do it, but I have very little choice. I live in a flat that is very small and can get over run by the building’s many cockroaches very easily, if not controlled. I do not want to share the little space that I have with Ralph and Rodney Roach. Mossies I have to kill, because when they see me they decide OOH! BUFFET! And all attack me at once, probably trying to determine who can drain me first! It’s clearly a survival thing, so I choose me! I have killed a spider, but I still feel guilty about that after a year. It was so beautiful, but it and its children were moving into my house. I’m fine with them I they continue to live and thrive outside, but my house has to be spider free. Especially dangerous spider free. I was once bitten by a violin spider and slept for two days after being injected with antihistamine. I wasn’t going to kill it, normally I would just scoop it up and throw it outside. Unfortunately, the spider was trying to protect its children and was ready to attack me. No, the pretty spider had to go. It was really colourful, and I was sure that that meant that it was highly dangerous. Sorry spider. It’s really bad karma to kill anything. I’ll get over it though, because I figure that everyone has a right to protect themselves. To everything I have ever killed, I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I can, since I’m at the head of the food chain here. I am trying to break this murderous cycle and I haven’t eaten any meat for a very long time. I am at peace with the Earth and all it’s creatures, but sometimes I slip up and let my selfish concerns of self-preservation get in the way of my unity with the Earth. Besides, show me one spider that has never killed in the name of survival…

Down with Mercury!

Wow, I haven't had much time to Internet lately and I was having serious withdrawl issues. It's been a quiet sort of week. Went to my one class, lectured my one tutorial class that show up, spent some time with friends, said goodbey to a good one, looking for a job, etc. I also attended an informal Philisophy seminar called Footnotes @ Tings. This, ofcourse, refers to Tings & Times in Hatfield Pretoria. Also, Footnotes stem from Footnotes to Plato, in which the theory is that all Philosophy since Plato has been basically, footnotes to Plato. I like that. So, we were discussing Heidegger (correct spelling?) and the beingness of being. I am here now, at this moment. and that much I know for a fact. I am not a mere figment of my own imagination.
I really enjoyed it, its right up my alley. These very same issues have been mine and pursuing the Question has been an obsession of mine for a long time. I guess I got so distracted by the everyday shit that I lost track of what I was doing before I was interrupted. Girl - Interrupted. Well, Now I'm trying to spend more time on those things that I love, but never have time or energy for anymore. I can't keep letting life get in the way of my happiness. Happiness is a conscious pursuit. The question?

Slightly off subject now, I really need to ask a question and I invite (no, implore) everyone to please respond to this if you can:

The moon influences the ocean in that it creates a rhythm that make waves. We are like 90% water, or something like that. Does that not prove that the moon affects us on a molecular level? And looking at it like that, could planetary allignments not influence us?
You see, I am still blaming Mercury for my very trying couple of weeks, (3weeksfromHell) as that culprit Mercury had been in Retrograde. That means that it was in such a position that it had an effect on people. I've heard all the arguements, ok! I realise that if you believe something, it will manifest itself in your reality. But so many people share my experience in that the last few weeks have been really chaotic. Mercury is supposed to screw up communication and technology and just plain normal functioning of everything. Things just got harder to accomplish and stress and frustration were all over the place. I don't even know if this is a terribly coherent arguement, but in light of what I have said about planetary allignments influencing us, HOW on this Earth can people still deny that Mercury had anything to do with it?
Watch out! Next one is in November! Prepare yourself and organise a holiday for just after. You'll need it. Do it well in advance though, you don't want Mercury to screw up your travel arrangements!

Think I'm a space cadet? You won't be the first. I'm just trying to help you see the facts. You're welcome to ignore it. Good luck!