a lament for aquafresh, thanks for everything!

I’ve recently undergone a change. While it might sound arbitrary to someone else, this is a big moment every time it happens. I changed my toothpaste. I was using Aquafresh, but I finished it. Toothpaste usually lasts me a while, because I squeeze it out from the bottom, NOT the middle. Today I squeezed out the last of the last and promptly replaced it with Sensodyne. It was on a rare promotion and I decided to try something new. I like to experiment. Now, as I underwent this change, I realised that my life has been somewhat like this Aquafresh. Squeezed from the bottom, patiently edging forward and drained of my contents until there is nothing left. That day was changing day. A day for the record books. The day I changed to Sensodyne was also the day I earned a new beginning. And I’m going to use it. Couldn’t wait till I got to brush my teeth again, with my new toothpaste. But when I did, it tasted really terrible and it is taking me a really long time to get used to this taste. Alas, you can’t have everything. I have decided that this is not necessarily a bad thing. Change is always good, no matter how hard it is to get used to. My therapist says that she can see how I’m improving and so does my boss. I have to say that I feel much stronger and happier and at peace, now that I’ve made up my mind to eliminate certain things in my life that cause me unhappiness. I’m going to focus on the progression of MY self, on becoming who I really desperately want to be. In a sense, I am that person already, because the values that I deem important are already present in my heart. I’m not willing to compromise with the world any longer. My way or the highway! No longer will I fret because it is so hard to conform and preserve your self-respect. Hail Queen Ree, the Partie Weirdo! If people do not understand or accept me for who I am, that’s their problem. The fact that all these amazing people are in my life who love me, is testament enough that I can’t be all the things I (and society) say that I am. I say to me, here and now: Give yourself a break Ree, you are worth much more than you give yourself credit for.

I only ever kill two things: Mosqitos and Cocroaches. I know I know, Thou shalt not kill and all of that. Believe me, I am guilt ridden everytime I have to do it, but I have very little choice. I live in a flat that is very small and can get over run by the building’s many cockroaches very easily, if not controlled. I do not want to share the little space that I have with Ralph and Rodney Roach. Mossies I have to kill, because when they see me they decide OOH! BUFFET! And all attack me at once, probably trying to determine who can drain me first! It’s clearly a survival thing, so I choose me! I have killed a spider, but I still feel guilty about that after a year. It was so beautiful, but it and its children were moving into my house. I’m fine with them I they continue to live and thrive outside, but my house has to be spider free. Especially dangerous spider free. I was once bitten by a violin spider and slept for two days after being injected with antihistamine. I wasn’t going to kill it, normally I would just scoop it up and throw it outside. Unfortunately, the spider was trying to protect its children and was ready to attack me. No, the pretty spider had to go. It was really colourful, and I was sure that that meant that it was highly dangerous. Sorry spider. It’s really bad karma to kill anything. I’ll get over it though, because I figure that everyone has a right to protect themselves. To everything I have ever killed, I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I can, since I’m at the head of the food chain here. I am trying to break this murderous cycle and I haven’t eaten any meat for a very long time. I am at peace with the Earth and all it’s creatures, but sometimes I slip up and let my selfish concerns of self-preservation get in the way of my unity with the Earth. Besides, show me one spider that has never killed in the name of survival…