Nice girl seeking nice boy. Really.

Things are going very slow at the moment. All I really have to do is to study for the exam in June, which is only in June, which is still almost half a month off. It has been brought to my attention that I am suspicious of every new person I meet. Especially men. Ok, so maybe I have a few trust issues, but after High school I was really disillusioned! My best friend was the most popular girl in school and I forever in her shadow. The Sidekick. Traumatic as that was for me, nothing could ever compare to the disappointment that I had with men. Those who weren’t trying to get to my best friend through me, dated me for a while and cheated on me with good friends of mine. That excludes the boys that told me whatever I wanted to hear just to get into my pants. Obviously, I’m better off without them, but do not for a second think that I have emerged unscathed from this experience. I mistrust people’s (especially men’s) intentions.

Ok, so I admit that I was never an innocent little angel and I do concede that maybe it was easier to get in my pants than say, 40% of other girls my age. (I made that figure up so don’t take me literally!) And I was also very naïve. Guess I still believed in the whole happily ever after, soul-mates hogwash. Fell way too quickly. I did have a lot of good times too, though! I was popular by association! Since High school, I have changed a lot. I like to think that I have grown into a person of some substance. I’ve had to learn that there are very few really nice people on this Earth. That’s why you should appreciate the ones that are such rare and amazing people. People just cannot be trusted too quickly. I never wanted to live in a world where you cannot trust anyone, so it makes me very sad. Do you know how many guys look my way, trying to catch my eye and I just look away? I just evade and avoid. No wonder I’m single! I’m not willing to give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt. I’m convinced that most guys are scumbags, and so are most of my friends. I’m afraid to be used, abused, lied to, misused, date raped, the list goes on!

Is there not something wrong here? Guys, please! Stop being such bastards! I realise that you are all confused as to your new position in society what with changing media portrayal of modern male sociologically determined conventions and everything, but give me a break! Just be decent! Don’t lie, cheat, use, abuse or go unwashed from one poor woman to the next. Don’t you know that women are mystical? Don’t you know that you are making yourself very hard to trust? Are there ANY decent guys left? That aren’t gay or already married? (Married guys who try to pick you up are gross). I can count the amount of really decent guys I know on one hand. Maybe there should be a website on which you can report a low-life scumbag, so that other women can be warned. We should have the same for men too, because there are plenty of evil women out there.

It was Mothers Day on Sunday. I would love to be a mother one day. A woman bears a child with all her might. That’s magical. As I said, I would love to have a child one day. Maybe two. My daughter will be just as insane as I am, as my Mother before me and my Grandmother before her. We come from a long line of consistently insane and domestically challenged women. It would be an honour to pass on these delightful genes. My daughter, who I will name Maya - after the ancient civilisation and the bee, will be raised with the knowledge that all men and women are created equal. I believe that gender roles are merely a consequence of social conditioning. I refer here to the writings of Margaret Mead. Young Maya will be overloaded with knowledge and positive moral values. I’m much more spiritual than religious, so I will teach and encourage her to be open-minded. I want my baby t take on the world. She will be my little vanity project. I wouldn’t mind having a son, either. I’ll raise him to be the perfect man. They say that there is a gene for open-mindedness. If this is true, don’t you think that it is our duty as progressive people to pass on our good genes to future generations? To not only ensure the survival, but also the progression of the human species, thus aiding evolution in taking a giant leap forward. Or something like that. You can tell that I’ve been thinking about this, can’t you? I would love to bring a life into this world. I would adopt too, since it is a wonderful thing to do for yourself and for someone else. If you have the right intentions, that is..

Of course, I won’t be ready to become a mother for at least another 7 years. I’m still a child myself and I need to be a grownup before I can subject someone else to me. Plus, even though I am planning on being 100% capable of raising a child by myself, it would be best if I had a consistent father-figure/sperm-donor/monkey for the kid. It would also help if said father-figure were my significant other. I’m rather traditional where things like that are concerned. I thought I was pregnant the other day, but it was only me being irrational again. There was really NO WAY I could’ve gotten a bun in the oven, really! I have a habit of suddenly believing something, convincing myself completely and running away with the idea. Can you see why I can’t procreate yet?

My mother is a wonderful woman. She’s kind, gentle, funny, naughty, fun, adventurous, caring, smart and capable. These are things that I want to be so badly for my children. A truly delightful person, who is wonderful to have a conversation with. Very evasive though, like me. My mom is also an unrelenting optimist. I must have gotten it from her. Sometimes it’s really hard to see the silver-lining, but my mom knows just where to look. I sometimes worry about her, stuck with my Dad and Brother, who are silly old Pessimists. That’s why I make an effort when I’m down there to do girly things with her, that I know they are not thinking about. At least they got her flowers this year.