Well, the ratings are down and I can't really say that I blame my readers. Who wants to read about me ranting and raving away? Let's face it: I only ever talk about myself and never have anything remotely interesting to say. My life is about as interesting and authentic as the cellphone tower disguised as a large tree outside my office window.. not very much at all. The only interesting thing about me is my friends and they are bound to get tired of me sooner or later. All day long I think of very interesting things to write about, but when I actually sit in front of the keyboard, I go as blank and empty as my inbox: lots of spam, but not a lot else really. And listen to me going on and on about how boring and useless I am, STILL not getting to why I am going on like this in the first place!
I have once again decided to turn over a new silicone leaf. It seems like only yesterday when I promised to move on, to get over myself and entertain all of you with the enchanting musings of a wanton word godess who makes time every day to update everyone on her fabulous existance and to enrich your lives. OK, maybe I'm aiming too high.
Maybe its just that time of year, when everybody just gets sick to death of themselves and wishes they were more interesting. No? Just me then? Oh well, there goes that idea..
I suppose I'd better get on with it before I lose even the most loyal of fans, whose judgement (BTW) I am beginning to question. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? HUH?!?!
Perhaps its time for medication.
How did I get this self-absorbed?
Did it happen because of Highschool? I didn't get enough attention or indulgence there.. Maybe I'm just an attention junky with an insatiable appetite for the notice, approval and adoration of others. Pathetic.
You know what's funny? I'm still talking about myself! ME ME ME ME ME!
I've worked very hard to shut the world out, yet ironically enough, I'm still at the centre of everything (oi the Vanity).
I'm trying to hide away like the hermit my tarot cards said I was many years ago, but then I bitch and complain about not being noticed?
Then again, its hard NOT to notice me. I'm loud, bitchy, large and demand to be in charge. The only thing bigger than my ego is my gynormous ass!
And of course, not having anything more interesting to say, I resort to diggin into myself and still wonder why I have such low self-esteem. The reason is quite simply because somehow, I think that the approval of others matter more than my own. Eventhough I know better. Would I have made different choices if I weren't so obsessed with making everyone like me? Would I have been an entirely different person? Would my favourite subject be anything other than myself? What would make the difference? What would happen if for once, someone shook me by the shoulders and said: SNAP OUT OF IT! SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE YOU, HOW DARE YOU BE SO UNGRATEFUL!? What the hell is love anyway? How can anyone love me if I go on like this? And why sould it matter? These demons inside my head won't stop. I guess I'm just lonely. Or starved for some real notice: Someone taking the time and going to the effort to make me open up, to make me blossom. But that is no ones' responsibility but my own. Can you say Drama Queen? How the hell did I get like this? PLEASE ANSWER ME!!!!
An emotional masochist trying desperately to break the habit.
7 comments:
breakin your habits (or rabbits for that matter) are a hard thing to do! *momo sang in an eerie 1950's-my-name-is-maude-voice*
baby i love you. i would say snap out of it, but let's face it, we are both in the same boat. and itsarockin!
Darling Deerie, it seems that you are experiencing dandylion withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately I do not have time to do the motivational speaker dance right now. So I can simply advice you to: sweat, cry and scream it out. Even if you have to hurt a bunny, I know it sad and cruel but such is life. Die een se dood...But that is not the point. Stop being the servant and become the master (of your mind). You are after all, the Queen? Mwah. You know who;)
hurting bunnies might just be the start of a new, even worse habit. "If you can't keep on hurting yourself, hurt something else". No, no, my dears, is this what passes as pro-activities in this day and age?
Crying and screaming I totally agree with, not that I do it myself. You know I'm the unrippled surface, stille waters, diepe grond. And underneath it all there's a lazy dragon, turning in it's sleep. Shaaa.
If you want so badly to have control
why
not
just
do it?
because when you are freefalling out of the sky, much like the imaginary fighterpilot that just popped into my mind, then your point of reference is a bit distorted.
thus to gain control over your emotions and ultimately your life you have to pinpoint something that will break you away from the dastardly spin into the depths. i know i don't really make sense, but hey 'n goeie begryper het 'n halwe woord nodig.
point is, to find control you have to identify the thing in your life that symbolises control and then work towards that. and if that is hurting bunnies, then so be it, even though me as a vegetarian would never condone such a thing especially from hrh the queen of reedom.
i only have my point of view and way of thinking, which mind you can be truly disturbing sometimes, but i do know that finding control is not as easy as just doing it, because life is just not that easy, especially if you find yourself in a situation where you are broke or in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate or whatever else that can happen in this day and age. there is always something that threatens the control you have over your existance. phew
on the other hand, what makes us think that we can ever be in control of destiny, really?
all i know is that you have friends that love you and yeah, maybe your blog is only about yourself. so is mine, so is every other person's blog i've ever read, because that is all everybody ultimately has. themselves, and that's ok. as for control. the best moments in my life were the ones i had no control over, whatsoever.
love, peace, insanity
w:)
I love you guys!
I must say that I feel a whole lot better today. I guess I just needed to meltdown one last time before this year is over and now that I've done that, I am ready to ree-sume it all once more.
I think Ben Onkri is depressing me, so I'm taking a break and stocking up on Paulo and rosequarts. I also realise that people are not Sims. You cannot control them, but you can control yourself to a certain extent. See, Leos always worry about the things that they cannot control, but knowing that makes it easier to accept the uncontrolable situations. Paulo says: "The warrior of the light sometimes behaves like water, flowing around the obstacles he encounters". I'm sure he meant to say he/she, but lets not hold that against the man. He is only a man after all...
I am pleased to announce that I have snapped out of it and am even happy today. I'll be even happier once i get a restraining order against my stalker-neighbourfreakperson on thursday. Hey, guess what! After heavily medicating myself, I actually got at least 8 hours of sleep last night! Isn't that great?!? I've read that tension causes sleeplessness and sleeplessness causes more tension. 'Tis a vicious cycle! Take that vicious cycle!
The Queen is aware that she is a Drama queen, and also that it is ok to experience emotions, even in these cold, stoic and cynical times. While my flowing water is more like flowing lava, I'm convinced that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger and lets face it - its very rare to die of a broken heart. Life goes on and so must Ree. Thanx for all of your love and support. Sonder julle het ek niks nie. I am truly the richest Queen in the Galaxy.
Mwah!
sounds like we need to a drink again...
I think for Christmas we can buy the anomaly a pair of sweat shop Nike shoes plus a sense of humour. Ha Ha KILL THE BUNNIES.
Love, Peace, Harmony.
Momo will get it at least?
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