Diary of a Procrastinatrix

Friday night. I should be studying, but I figure I still have the whole weekend to that. I don’t want to burn out now, do I?

So instead I have dinner at my Ho Momo’s house and over a generous helping of the most decadent Chocolate Salami and Apple Strudel, and lament on the Violet Piking who has evaded me now so faithfully for so many months. This of course, led to an even more much too often repeated story of how much I need to get laid. I really think I need help.

We were watching Sex in the City, and Momo was saying how much he is like a twisted cross between Carry and Miranda, and I remarked that I was a lot like Charlotte, with a lot of Samantha mixed in to form an intriguing yet hazardous combination. This discussion, suddenly brought back to my mind, the many T.V. characters I have either identified a lot with, or that others have said I resembled a lot in character and disposition. Here is a short list. I’ve been called Ally McBeal; Bridget Jones; the entire cast of Desperate Housewives (especially Bree); Dharma; Phoebie from friends; Grace of Will and Grace; Summer of The OC; Brenda in Six Feet Under and Meredith of Grey's Anatomy. Oh, and also Candace Bergen’s character in Boston Legal. A curios bunch of women...

Saturday. I’ve studied all morning and around late afternoon I decided to find out what my urban family are doing. Interestingly enough, they are just planning a quiet evening and I, desperately in need of a quiet evening, invite myself over and we decide to get wine. You can’t stay in and not have wine! Plus, I’ve been studying so hard, I deserve a break! We end up watching that movie Pulse and I’m scared shitless – cause I’m a weenie. I end up sleeping on their couch, only to wake up the next morning, knowing full well that I should be at home, studying. I stay until after afternoon coffee. In my own defence, let me just say that I really did study when I got home.

Sunday. I’m cooking. I never have time to cook anymore, and this seemed like an excellent opportunity to do so. I know, I am the Queen of procrastination, but I’ve already studied some, I’m just making sure I have time to process all of this information, and a girl’s got to eat, right? Some baked vegetables on pasta, brain food!

Sundays I usually reserve for melancholy reflection on my life and remembering all the wonderful times with people I love. I usually get quite lonely, and inevitably reach for my phone. Are you familiar with the saying: a hundred contacts but none you can dial? I feel like a loser wanting to surround herself by people so that she doesn’t have to think about how alone she is. I also don’t want to phone someone up and pile all of my neuroses on them – I’d rather be alone for that – it’s frightfully unattractive! Maybe I should stay away from Jack Johnson for a while…

Today was nice though. I started it surrounded by loved ones and now I’m supposedly too busy studying. Right. That’s why I’m typing instead of reading scientific journals. This is not me complaining. I’ve got it really good! I suppose spending so much time with couples would make any person feel kind of.. outnumbered. I’m an odd-number. Truth be told, even-numbers have always made me nervous. I like the numbers 3; 5 and 7. I distrust the numbers 1; 2; 4; 6 and 9. 10’s are good, and I adore 8’s, but that’s about it. Ok, I’ve just realised how crazy that sounds and also that I should be reading scientific journals, not going on about my irrational numbers-thing. Let’s try reading for a bit! .. I wonder if it will rain tonight…

Monday. I didn’t rain. If it did, I was unconscious, so - it didn’t happen. I spent the whole day studying… I keep telling myself that this isn’t like last year, when the pressure was on the success of the single test. This time at least, I’ll get other chances, so there’s no reason to give myself a panic attack. I’ve got such a huge pile of other things to do though, I have to finish the Goda poster, go see an artist who wants to exhibit with us, I have a million things to do when I get back to the office on Wednesday, plus I need to get started with that learning programme that I need to write. Anyway, stop fretting about what needs to be done and focus on the matter at hand – i.e. studying for my very important semester test.

I go to yoga and find that I have very little energy. I also find it very hard to let go and relax, but I guess that after Tuesday evening I will be a whole lot more relaxed.

I get home and have the long awaited emotional meltdown. People said that I should expect one after yoga, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe them about the toxins leaving my body painfully, and that certainly happened, so I should have expected this. Emotional toxins need to come out as well, and since I’ve been under so much stress lately (the last 3 years), there was plenty of material for it to feed on.

Oh sweet sleep, I surrender myself to thee!

Tuesday morning. I wake up feeling refreshed and much better than yesterday. I’m also in no small amount of pain, but I’m used to yoga-aftermath. I look forward to a day of fun filled studying, topped off with a delectable semester test this evening. Better get to it. I hope it doesn’t rain on my hair when I walk to campus later…

Tuesday evening. As I was brushing my teeth before bed and reflecting on my day, I found myself making a few wishes. I wished that this damn Colgate Herbal would finish already, so that I could get a better-tasting toothpaste. I wished that I had studied a little more or had started earlier. And finally, I wished that I hadn’t taken so many chill pills before the test. I had been taking such good care of myself throughout the day.. I made sure that I got all of my vitamins in; I ate regularly to avoid low blood sugar; I drank 2 litres of water; I drank some camomile tea, brain-fuel tablets, Pharmaton fizzy; headache tablets and some mild sedatives (fear-of-experiencing-anxiety); I made sure that I was dressed warmly and paced myself the entire day – careful not to overload my brain and tire it out. I even managed to squeeze in a coffee with some old friends, before I went off to study some more. It was at this point that I decided to take some more sedatives, only two hours after I had taken the last ones.. and off I went to write my test. The test itself went… ok-ish. There were no unfamiliar concepts and I had rambled on enough to at least get me very close to passing! Then I went for a walk around campus, enjoying the solitude and the gardens and structures so much. They really made it nice for pedestrians.. So many trees and prettiness all around. The evening is so nice and cool and quiet! Anyway, so Harry and I finished the poster over copious amounts of coffee and I wondered if I shouldn’t take some headache tablets – but decided against it. I’m beginning to spot a trend here, and I want to nip it before it gets out of hand!

So now, all that’s left for me to do is to go and sleep off this buzz, if I can fall asleep with all this Caffeine in me. Perhaps a sleeping tablet? Just kidding!

No, I think I’ll be fine. It has just started to rain again.. you really can’t complain about the weather we’ve been having! - Except if you live around the coast or in Madagascar…